


your heart burns slow

by laricina



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Families of Choice, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 12:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13387704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laricina/pseuds/laricina
Summary: “You, Olivia Benson,” Rafael says fiercely, his voice thick, moving his hand from the small of her back to the nape of her neck, “are always worth it.”





	your heart burns slow

**Author's Note:**

> Set post- 19x10 "Pathological".

Olivia is elbow-deep in soapy water when the knock on her door comes.  
  
“I’ll get it!” Noah exclaims from the living room.  Olivia can hear him rushing towards the door, followed by a loud crash as what must be his carefully constructed tower of Legos falls to the floor.  
  
With a sigh, Olivia calls, “Noah, I’ll get the door, honey, you pick up your toys.”  She turns off the water and reaches for a hand towel, but as she is turning towards the hallway, she sees Rafael expertly dodging the Lego maze.  
  
“It’s alright, Liv,” he tells her, catching up to Noah and gently taking hold of his shoulder to halt him.  “I can answer the door, and Noah can pick up his toys, yes amigo?”  
  
“Okay,” Noah agrees forlornly, and Olivia nods at Rafael before turning back towards the sink in an attempt to avoid dripping more water on the floor.  
  
“Hey, Liv,” Fin’s voice travels through the apartment. “Oh, Barba, it’s you.”  
  
“Nice to see you too, Detective,” Rafael deadpans, almost drowned out by Noah’s squeal of “Uncle Fin!” quickly followed by, “Ow!”  
  
Olivia gives up on the dishes.  
  
“Careful, little man,” Fin is saying as Olivia enters the room, “who knocked all these Legos over the floor, huh?”  
  
“I did,” Noah whispers, like a secret.  
  
“You did,” Olivia agrees, “and I asked you to pick them up, Noah.”  
  
“Yes, Mama,” Noah nods, and then asks, “Uncle Fin, will you help me pick up my Legos?”  
  
“Noah,” Olivia says, partly to him and partly to Fin, “Uncle Fin came here for a reason, I presume.”  
  
Before Noah can pout, Rafael ruffles his hair.  “Come on, amigo, I’ll help you.”  Noah cheerfully pulls Rafael after him by his sleeve, and Olivia motions Fin into the kitchen, resuming the dishes.  
  
“So,” Olivia says, reaching for the sponge, “is everything okay?”  
  
“Peachy,” Fin drawls, and Olivia rolls her eyes.  “I wanted to see how you and the little man are doing.”  
  
“That’s nice of you, Fin,” Olivia says, “we’re fine.”  
  
“I see that.”  
  
Olivia knows he’s hinting at something.  She ignores it.  
  
“Anyway, I know you didn’t come over here just for that.”  
  
“No, actually I did,” Fin insists.  “I know you had your meeting with Dodds today.”  
  
With a small sigh, Olivia turns off the water again, this time because she’s finished.  
  
“If you aren’t ready to come back, Liv-”  
  
“No,” she says, “I am.  Well… I’m not, but Noah needs his life to go back to normal.  As normal as it can be, anyway.  I think I do too.  I know I can’t shelter Noah forever.”  
  
“You still want to,” Fin says, and it isn’t a question.  
  
“Well of course I do,” she answers, irritated.  
  
As if that answers a question he didn’t ask, Fin nods.  “As long as you’re sure.”  
  
She smiles this time.  “Thank you for having my back, Fin.  I know how much you love being the boss, but I have to come back sometime.”  
  
“No way, being the boss is too much red tape for me.  Speaking of which, I was going to ask what happened with the McLaughlin case, but...” he trails off, motioning his head towards Rafael.  
  
Olivia frowns, and motions with her hand for Fin to keep his voice down.  “Don’t bring it up, Fin, he’s having a hard time.”  
  
“This was a rough case.  Not an easy decision.”  
  
“It wasn’t a decision, Fin.  He made a mistake-”  
  
“Bullshit, Barba doesn’t make those kinds of mistakes-”  
  
She knows her voice sounds like a warning when she says, “ _Fin_.”  
  
He raises his palms up in surrender.  “Alright, if that’s the game we’re playing.  I won’t mention it.”  
  
As if on cue, Rafael walks towards the island separating the kitchen from the living room.  “We picked up all the Legos, and now the elephant is guarding them, so I think that’s my cue.”  
  
“Don’t leave on my account, counselor,” Fin insists, “I got what I needed.”  
  
Rafael shakes his head.  “I need to be getting home.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Olivia walks towards him, reaching to place a hand on his shoulder.  “Do you want me and Noah to take you home?  Do you want to crash here?  My sofa is surprisingly comfortable.”  
  
“No, Liv,” he demurs, softly, briefly squeezing her hand.  “Thank you, though.”  
  
“You’re going to be okay, Rafael,” she says.  
  
He nods at her, and she moves her hand from his shoulder.  “At least say goodnight to Noah before you leave?”  
  
“Oh,” Rafael says, turning to where Noah is standing just beside him, “I wouldn’t think of leaving without saying goodnight.  Goodnight, Noah.”  
  
“Goodnight Uncle Rafa!” Noah says, and Rafael ruffles his hair, nods at Fin, and heads out the door.  
  
When the door is shut behind him, Noah walks over to Olivia and gently pulls on her shirt.  “Mama, Uncle Rafa’s sad.”  
  
Olivia smiles, and kneels next to him, stroking his hair.  “He had a difficult day, Noah, but he’ll be okay.  I think you helped him.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yes, really,” Olivia assures, kissing his temple, “now go brush your teeth, okay?”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
As he heads towards the bathroom, Olivia follows, double checking that no Legos were missed on the floor, and reaches to pick up two glasses from the table, one still half-full of her abandoned wine, the other scotch glass empty.  “So,” she prompts, knowing Fin is behind her, “Got what you needed, did you?”  
  
“That I did. Word of advice?”  
  
“Oh, something tells me you’re going to give it to me whether I want it or not.”  
  
“Me, Amanda, Carisi, we’re your family, you know that, don’t you?”  
  
“Yes, Fin, I do.”  
  
He nods.  “You and me?  We’ve seen too much on this job.  I’ve seen you push a lot of people away, Liv.  Now, I know I’m guilty of that myself, which means I’m in either the best place to say this or the worst, and I can’t believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but what the hell. This thing between you and Barba? You should consider doing something about it.”  
  
Placing the glasses on her kitchen counter, Olivia says, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
  
“Come on, Liv, don’t insult me.”  
  
She sighs, running a hand down her face.  “How did you know?”  
  
Fin snorts.  “How long have we been friends?”  
  
Laughing despite herself, she leans back against the counter and crosses her arms over her chest.  “I’ve lost count of the years, Fin.”  
  
Fin, giving her some space, leans his arms over the island.  “Damn straight.”  
  
“So, as one of my closest friends, please, drop it?  I can’t.”  
  
“You can’t what?”  
  
He’s my _friend_ , Fin, it has to stay that way.”  
  
“Why?”

She looks at him incredulously.  “Because we work together?  Because he’s an ADA?”  
  
“Neither of those things has stopped you before.”  
  
She flinches and turns her gaze from him to the wall.  
  
“Sorry, but I’m not wrong.”  
  
He isn’t wrong, but she’s still angry, and she turns back to him, her voice raised.  “This is - none of your business.”

“You’re right, it isn’t.  Look, I’m sorry, Liv, I shouldn’t have said that.  I’m not sorry I brought up Barba, though.”

“Fin-”

“It’s obvious you care about him, Liv.”

“Look, this is different.”

“Why?”

Frustrated, Olivia drops her arms to her side and says, “I really can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

“Neither can I, so help a guy out and stop talking in circles.”

“You brought it up!”

“Okay, fair enough.  You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately.”

Irritated, Olivia shoots back, “What, are you my keeper?  We’re friends.”

“Uh-huh.  I see how you act around each other, you know.”

“Fin,” Olivia says through her teeth, “You are one of my closest friends, but you need to back off.”

“I can tell I’ve hit a nerve.”

“Good for you.”

“Look,” Fin says, walking around the island to face her in the kitchen, “This isn’t my place, I get that, but I’ve already gone there, so let’s just pretend for a minute that I haven’t crossed a line.  Do you _want_ to do something about it?”

Olivia hesitates.  This is a road she has scarcely gone down, even in her deepest fantasies.  Not due to lack of wanting, but due to the exceptionally high risk.

“He may not want to go down that route.”

“Maybe not. Maybe he does. Do you?”

 

-

 

In the hours following Noah’s return home, Olivia promises herself two things: that she would never come so close to losing her son again, and that she wouldn’t allow her fear to lead her into isolating Noah, or herself.  
  
The instincts to shelter Noah away and to surround them both with family, real family, lock tightly in conflict in her head and in her heart.  Olivia is no stranger to this, no stranger to her desire to be everything that Noah needs, aware of her own reluctance to let others in even as she wanted a family.  She knows how much Noah loves her, and how much he also needs other positive relationships in his life.  It was the main reason why she had finally allowed Sheila into their lives.  She thinks that she will never forgive herself for that, even though it’s clear that Noah misses her.  
  
She regrets that, too; regrets putting Noah through something when all she wanted for him was a stable, happy, healthy life.  
  
So her instinct is to never let him experience that hurt or confusion again, but she also knows it isn’t what he wants, or needs.  Instead, she takes a week of leave and allows herself two days to spend alone with Noah, pulling him out of school for a day, staying in his room all night.  
  
On the third day of her leave, Lucy takes him to school.  She sits on the sofa the whole day, clutching her phone in her hand and holding back panic and tears, but Noah comes home.  
  
After he is home and safe, eating pizza and wearing his favorite pajamas, she realizes the worst part was being left alone with her fears and her ghosts.  Without Noah around, she has nothing but time on her hands and the thoughts that run through her are mostly fear.  
  
There is some good, too.  
  
She thinks of how Sheila had forced her to admit how much she wanted a family.  
  
She thinks of how her squad, her friends, showed her that she already has one.  
  
That third night, Amanda had shown up with Jesse, a bottle of wine, and a board game, and the minute Olivia opens the door she’s practically forced into the shower, a luxury she hasn’t allowed herself since getting Noah back, unwilling to leave him alone for more than a minute or two.  When she finishes in the shower, feeling like the past few days had begun to wash away, Amanda was sitting with Jesse and Noah on the floor, pizza on her coffee table, wine breathing on the kitchen counter, and a board game spread out.  Jesse and Noah are laughing, and Amanda is dutifully watching over them both.  
  
The next night, Carisi brings over so much baked pasta she and Noah wouldn’t be able to eat it all if it was all they ate for a week.  Olivia keeps the smallest dish out for the three of them, puts the rest in her freezer, and invites everyone over for dinner the next night.  
  
Amanda, Jesse, and Carisi show up together, and Noah smiles and greets them all, but especially Jesse, and Olivia’s heart warms when she sees Noah give Eddie to the little girl to watch while he eagerly helps Carisi in the kitchen.  Olivia thinks that she and Amanda need to have more play dates.  
  
Fin comes later, and he pretends that he wasn’t dealing with Dodds, but Olivia knows that he was.  
  
While the food is in the oven, she watches them, toys spread out, and feels something warm and unshakeable in her chest.  It feels like home.  
  
It’s something else entirely when Rafael shows up.  
  
Rafael Barba has never been just a colleague, an acquaintance.  They have been circling, in orbit around each other, from the first day they met.  He’s stubborn, intelligent, _infuriating_ \- but he’s loyal.  He has a warmer, kinder heart than he prefers to outwardly show.  He’s one of Olivia’s best friends.  She has felt safe around him for months, for years, and she can’t deny the pull she feels towards him.  
  
She feels like they’ve been following a pattern for months, now - coming close together, pulling apart whenever the situation feels like anything more than platonic.  But he’s been so kind, so gentle with her since Sheila first showed herself, weeks ago.  For all he can be verbose in court, in the squad room, his words with her are more often short, but full of meaning.  His eyes say so much more.  She doesn’t think she will ever forget the look on his face when he walked into her office, when Noah was missing.  She won’t forget how she felt, either - wanting Noah back more than anything, but wanting him, too.  
  
He was the last one to leave that night, which Olivia supposes shouldn’t surprise her, though it does.  Amanda stays as long as she can, but she needs to get Jesse to bed, and these days, Carisi goes wherever Amanda does.  
  
Before he leaves, Fin asks if she will be okay.  She tells him yes, even though she’s still not so sure.  She _is_ sure that Fin doesn’t believe her answer, but he leaves her be anyway, reiterating that he’s there if she needs him.  Olivia knows how lucky she is to have someone like Fin in her life.  
  
After she sends Fin off, she finds Rafael in the kitchen, neatly stacking the dishes so they can be washed, the lasagna pan soaking in the sink.  
  
“Oh, Rafa,” she says, walking up to him, “you don’t have to do that, you can go home.”  
  
He waves her off.  “You cook, someone else cleans, that’s the rule.”  
  
“Carisi cooked.”  
  
“Well, you hosted, my mother raised me right, you know.”  
  
Olivia laughs, and he tilts his head towards the table Noah is still sitting at, playing with their robots.  “Go take care of Noah, Liv.  I’ve got this.”  
  
She wants to thank him, but she doesn’t have the words, so she squeezes his shoulder instead and does as he says. When she finishes up with Noah and has put him to bed, she finds Rafael on the sofa, the toys cleaned up, his eyes closed.  
  
“Hey,” she says quietly, sitting next to him, “you fall asleep on me?”  
  
“No,” he denies, though she hears the sleep in his voice.   
  
Rafael has been over at her apartment more times in recent memory than she can count, but he’s never been so close to falling asleep there before, never seemed so comfortable in her presence.  She thinks of commenting on it, briefly, but asks instead, “You want another drink?”  
  
“No,” he says with a yawn, “I should be getting home. You need anything else before I head out?”  
  
Olivia shakes her head and squeezes his hand. “You’ve done so much already, thank you.”  
  
“Listen,” he says, running a hand over his forehead, and then standing up, slowly.  “If there’s something I can do - anything you need from me - will you let me know?”  
  
Olivia looks at him, really looks at him, and he seems exhausted, and worried, and he’s looking at her with so much tenderness she feels her heart constrict.  She knows he’s asking because he really means it, and she knows he’s giving her a way out, too.  She finds she doesn’t want one.  
  
“I will, Rafael.  I promise.”

 

-

 

Fin leaves that night before Olivia gives him an answer, but she also knows he never expected an answer from her.  All he meant was for her to think about it.  She does.

 

-

 

It’s barely past 3 o’clock on a Thursday.  It’s her first week back at work, and the week has been mercifully quiet, but she is still hours away from leaving, and the time drags.  Every day, it’s a little easier for Olivia to be away from Noah.  She misses him, of course; not a day at work went by when she didn’t, and that was true before Sheila had taken him.  It’s easier, though.  Lucy still texts her more than she used to.  Olivia is more grateful for her than she can say.  
  
With a sigh, she drops the pen she was holding and moves her hand to her forehead instead, rubbing her temple, her other arm resting on her desk.  She closes her eyes, and tries to focus.  
  
She’s had so many thoughts running around in her head - Noah, Rafael, the last case - although she’s grateful for the quiet week, she hasn’t had much in the way of distractions.  
  
Her attempt to focus doesn’t work, and she’s so caught up in her thoughts that a light knock on the door leads her to jump out of her seat, banging her elbow on the edge of the desk.  
  
“Son of a – “ she cuts herself off, and looks up to find Rafael standing in her office doorway, juggling his briefcase, two cups of coffee, and not even attempting to hide his laughter.  
  
“Oh, quit laughing at me, you ass, this is your fault.”  
  
He snickers, but drops the briefcase and adjusts the coffee before he spills over himself, and walks over to her desk.  He sits down in the chair across from her and wordlessly hands her a cup, sipping from his own to hide his smile.  
  
She wants to be annoyed, but the aroma of cappuccino from her favorite cart down the block hits her nose, and she can’t manage it.  
  
“What’s this for?” she asks him, even as she blissfully sips from the perfectly crafted drink.  
  
“No reason,” he answers, but she knows when he’s being evasive.  She decides to let it pass for now.  
  
“Well, thank you, it’s just what I needed today.”  
  
“How has your week been?” he asks her, leaning back in the chair.  
  
“Quiet,” she replies, “slow.”  
  
Rafael’s lips turn up, but only briefly.  “That isn’t what I was asking, Liv.”  
  
She knows that, and she sighs, putting her cup down.  “It’s…. going as well as I can expect, I think.”  
  
“Thank goodness for small favors?”  
  
“Sure,” she agrees.  “And yours?  And don’t say quiet, you know that isn’t what _I_ am asking.”  
  
“That’s only fair,” he responds, and answers honestly, “Better than what I deserve, probably.”  
  
“That isn’t true, Rafa.”  
  
“I know you think that,” he says, “and believe me, it helps.  Really, Olivia, it does, your opinion means more to me than most people’s, but I’m still not so sure.”  
  
After a moment, Olivia says, slowly, “There isn’t anything wrong with that.  Doubting yourself is natural.  Clarity, certainty, it will come with time.”  
  
His hands tightly holding his drink, Rafael asks, “And if it doesn’t?”  
  
“That just means you’re human,” she says to him, “and a good, honest person.”  
  
He doesn’t respond to that, but Olivia never expected him too.  She lets him retreat into his coffee instead, knowing he is gathering his thoughts.  After a few minutes of silence, Olivia taps absently at the cup on her desk, and asks, “Really, though, why did you come here?”  
  
“Really, though,” he parrots, “I need a reason?”  
  
_No_ , she thinks, _you don’t_.  She doesn’t want him to ever need a reason.  She wants to see him more than just for work, more than when he is dropping everything to see what she needed when Noah was missing, even though he had admitted to not knowing what to do.  
  
“No,” she says aloud, softly.  “No, you don’t ever need a reason.”  
  
He says nothing, but he smiles at her warmly, a light in his eyes that she recognizes, but barely.  She thinks of the warmth that spreads in her chest as a result, and the warmth she feels whenever she sees him.  She thinks of safety, of home, of the way they’ve seemed unable to shake the way they circle each other, and of how that all feels like the same thing.  
  
She stands up, and closes her office door, locking it, and shutting the blinds.  She thinks she sees Fin winking at her.  She ignores him.  
  
“Liv?”  
  
She moves and sits on the couch, and motions at Rafael to join her.  
  
“Rafael,” she begins slowly, gathering her thoughts, “I never thanked you, for everything that you’ve done for me and Noah the past few weeks.”  
  
He frowns as he sits next to her.  “Liv, you’re my friend.  I’m here for you because I want to be.”  
  
She places her hand on his upper arm.  
  
“You were right, you know,” she says, “I wanted a family, and – “  
  
He starts, a protest on his lips, but Olivia gently squeezes his arm.  “No, don’t,” she says, “I know what you are going to say.  You weren’t wrong.  It turns out, I’m lucky.  I’m so lucky.  You, Amanda, Carisi, Fin, you’ve all been so wonderful to Noah and me, I won’t forget that.  But,” she takes a breath.  “There’s more.  Or, there could be, I think.”  
  
He swallows, but he does not speak.  
  
“I used to be so afraid,” she admits, softly, “and I still am sometimes, but, I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”  
  
“Liv, what are you saying?”  
  
“I’m saying,” she explains, “that I’m hoping I’m not the only one of us who can see where this could head, Rafael.  I don’t think I’m imagining this.”  
  
Rafael swallows, but doesn’t speak.  He suddenly looks terrified, and after a beat, Olivia sighs, and starts to pull away.  
  
He doesn’t let her.  “Wait,” he says, taking hold of her free wrist.  
  
“You aren’t,” he says.  “Liv, I-”  
  
She gives him a moment, but he can’t seem to find his voice, and Olivia, amused, teases, “Speechless is what you are.”  
  
He guffaws, she laughs, and the moment isn’t broken, not at all.  It’s been loosened, left wide open.  
  
“Liv, I’m here for you because I want to be.  Because… because I want to be there for you in any way that you’ll let me.  I want-”  
  
Olivia, partly out of impatience, partly in an effort to put Rafael out of his misery, kisses him.  
  
It’s tentative, at first. Rafael’s hand is still on her wrist, not holding it, but barely brushing it. She can feel his fingers trembling. She takes hold of his arm again, and he moves a hand to the small of her back, moving closer to her on the couch. He bumps their noses together, and when this leads him to break the kiss, he’s breathless, a smile in his eyes.

“Sorry,” he says.  
  
Slowly, giving him a chance to pull away, she turns over the wrist he is still touching, opening her palm to take his hand in hers.  
  
“You’ve been my anchor, Rafael. And all I know is, I want you.”

“Liv,” he swallows tightly, “this is a bad idea.”

“Probably,” she agrees, “in terms of our professional lives. Unless you meant-”

“No!” he protests quickly.  He tightens the hold he has on her back, pulling her into him again.  “Believe me, I want this too.  I do wonder if this is the best timing, after everything you have been through.”

“I know what I feel, Rafael.”

“I’m not trying to discredit you, I promise, but you just went through something traumatic, Liv.”

“Yes,” Olivia agrees, “I did.  I got Noah _back_ , Rafael.  Not a minute has gone by since I laid my eyes on him again that I haven’t been grateful for that.  It’s because this happened that I’ve made this choice.  Noah, my beautiful son, has taught me how rich life can be.  I’m scared, but I don’t want to isolate him, or myself.  He doesn’t want that, and neither do I.  We both need our friends, and our _family_ , Rafael.  I want that to include you.  I want to give this a chance.  If you do.  If you think it would be worth it.”

“You, Olivia Benson,” Rafael says fiercely, his voice thick, moving his hand from the small of her back to the nape of her neck, “are always worth it.”

This time, it’s him who is moving in, slowly, and he whispers, “Can I kiss you?”

She laughs, and pulls him in, and it’s not tentative at all this time, but not frantic.  It’s warm and deep, and she kisses him until they are jolted out of their own world by a sound outside her office, a stack of papers hitting the floor.

Rafael is startled, and to Olivia’s intense pleasure, his cheeks are reddening.

“Um.” He says, betraying the tentativeness in his voice with his actions, stroking Olivia’s hair.  “This is wildly inappropriate for the premises.”

“If I remember, counselor,” Olivia says, resting her forehead on his shoulder, “You came to see me.”

“I did,” he agrees, continuing to stroke her hair.  “Though I wasn’t expecting this.”

“What were you expecting?”

“Nothing specific,” he admits.  “I just wanted to see you.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes,” he says simply, kissing her hair.

“How _long_ have you wanted this, Rafael?”

She feels him sigh, his chin on her head.  “A long time, Liv.  Longer than I would admit to myself, probably.  You’re much braver than I am.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well,” he murmurs, “I do, and I am unequivocally grateful.” He kisses her temple, and then her nose, and then moves to her mouth, and she gives herself a moment, to feel his lips on hers, his heartbeat under her hand, to take in the smell of coffee and cologne, before she pulls back, reluctantly.

“I thought you said this was wildly inappropriate.”

“It is,” he confirms.  “Turns out I don’t care.”

“Well, as attractive and tempting as that is, it’s probably best not to push our luck, Rafa.”

Rafael sighs, and moves back on the couch, straightening his suit jacket.  “In that case, can I take you to dinner sometime?  When you’re ready?”

“I would really like that.”

“Okay,” he replies, “Good.”

Despite this, neither one of them makes much more effort to move, and Olivia looks at the clock, and then at the abandoned cups of coffee on her desk.  “How about for now, I walk you back to your office, and I replace the coffee we’ve abandoned?”

“You may have abandoned it,” he says with a raise of his eyebrow, “I finished mine.”

She laughs, and stands up, reaching for her jacket.  “You wouldn’t say no to another cup, though?”

“Is that even a question?”

-

 

Later that same night, when Olivia locks up her office before heading home, she isn’t surprised to see that Fin is still there, even though Amanda and Carisi had left hours ago.

“One word,” Olivia says to Fin, who is very determinedly staring at his computer, “One word, and you’re dealing with red tape for at least another week.”

“You got it, boss,” Fin says, saluting her, hiding a smile.

 

-

 

After dinner, Olivia finds herself reluctant to bring the night to an end, and suggests to Rafael they walk instead of catching a cab, which he readily agrees to.  After a few moments of discussing their meal, they spend a good amount of time walking in a comfortable silence.

Though it’s been a week since the afternoon in her office, they’ve seen each other every day.  Of course, it isn’t unusual for them to see each other frequently at work, but Olivia has found herself making excuses to see him more than strictly necessary, and Rafael hasn’t been much better.  When they have seen each other, she’s had an incredibly difficult time keeping her hands off him, and it’s more wonderful than Olivia remembers, this beginning.

Eventually, she turns to Rafael, raising a hand to his elbow.  “I had a great time tonight.”

“So did I.”

In response, Olivia tilts her head, contemplating.  “Next time, I’ll pick the place?”

She turns her head to catch his reaction, and finds him smiling at her softly, affectionately, and her breath catches in her throat.

“You pick next time,” he agrees.

“You’re brave,” Olivia laughs, turning her attention back to the side street they are walking on, “I eat far too much takeout.  I’m afraid my knowledge of restaurants is severely lacking.”

“Hm, well, lucky for you, I’m adventurous.”

“You’ll have to be.”  They walk in silence for a few more moments, before she finds herself asking, “How do you want to handle this, Rafa?”

She’s glad he doesn’t pretend to not understand her.

“Well, you need to tell me your thoughts, but I’m selfish, Liv. I want you to myself, for now. I don’t see a reason to disclose to anyone we don’t want to.”

She turns and pulls him back a few paces to a bench and pulls him down.

“I’m glad we see this the same way. I want you to myself, too. But I need you to know I’m okay with doing this however you want, as long as I get you.”

“What I want,” he murmurs, pulling her into his arms, kissing her neck, “is to walk you home. Say goodnight to Noah. Cook you dinner one of these nights. Watch all of those terrible movies we say we are going to watch and never do because someone ends up getting called in on a case. What I want,” he continues, kissing her cheek, her nose, her ear, “is to enjoy you and not think about work. Some things are more important.”

“You old romantic,” she teases.

“Don’t spread that around, I have a reputation to maintain.”

Laughing, she cups his face in her hands. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I can always count on you,” he says, and kisses her. He’s been doing that a lot in the past few days, and she delights in it, never able to get enough of him.

But a shiver runs through her before long, and he breaks the kiss, even as a protest leaves her lips.

“Let’s get you home,” he says, pulling her jacket tighter around her.

As they continue walking, Olivia looks at the lights of her city at night, thinks of her son waiting for her at home, and of Rafael, matching her pace, his arm tightly around her shoulders, and thinks that she is home wherever her family is.


End file.
